Monday, May 6, 2019

Petty Betty

Petty Betty Here! 

Let me give you a little insight into my personality. No filter. Yep, that’s pretty much it 🤣

Don’t get me wrong, I have one of the biggest hearts you’ll ever meet but boy can I be a Petty Betty when warranted. 

Now let me set the scene for you.

Husband gone to work for 45-60 days.

I’m left alone with a 10 week old, 8 year old, and 10 year old. 

I’ve showered twice in the last week.

I rarely get a hot meal because.... kids. 

You can already see where this is going.

I’ve just driven the 15 minutes from the grocery store with my screaming, medically needy 10 week old in the backseat. Being that he is my 3rd child, I’ve gotten pretty good at tuning the screaming out on car rides. 

My back seat is packed out with groceries on both sides of the car seat. Don’t judge, this momma hasn’t been to the grocery store in almost two weeks 🤦🏻‍♀️

I take my screaming 10 month old inside and give him his pacifier. Still screaming. “Well shit.”

I make a mad dash to the car to unload the million bags of mostly unnecessary crap, silently cursing myself for waiting so long to go to the store. Mind you, babe still screaming inside. What seems like the 100th trip to the car, I finally grab the rest of the bags. You know, bags stacked on each arm, pretty sure your arm will fall off, amount of bags. As I’m making my way inside, our favorite neighbor *insert sarcasm* walks over. 

Now, we’ve only been in this neighborhood for a little over a year, so we are still getting to know everyone. My kids absolutely adore being here and I honestly do too. 

But y’all...

This neighbor had the audacity to walk into my yard and ask me when I would be able to cut my grass because “ya know, it’s a little high”. 

Me: *scans yard, looking down at grass. Looks down at my now purple arms and back to my open front door where a kid is screaming*

What the actual f is happening right now?! 

In this moment I had two options. 

Option 1: Take a deep breath and kindly agree to have it cut as soon as possible 

Or

Option 2: Introduce Petty Betty.

I think at this point in the story it’s clear what option I chose. 

Annnddd ACTION.

Me: “I would love to cut my grass. Is now a good time for you?”

Neighbor: “Ma’am?”

Me: “Here, come inside and take the baby while I cut the grass. I’ll need you to administer the baby’s medications through this little tube that’s down his nose. Please keep a close eye out and make sure he doesn’t yank the tube out of his nose. If he does, you’ll have to reinsert a new one. I’ll also need you to vacuum and do the laundry...one handed because the baby doesn’t like to be put down. Oh and please make sure all the groceries are put away, it will probably be another 2 weeks before I can make it back to the store. It’s almost 3:15pm, so you’ll need to get the big kids off the bus, have snacks ready, start their homework, and administer more medication to the baby as well as my 8 year old. Since I’ve got to cut the front as well as the back, you’ll need to get my 10 year old’s baseball uniform ready and make sure he has everything ready for tonight’s game. He also needs to be at the fields by 6:30pm for warmups. Sound good?”

Annndd CUT (I take my bow). 

Neighbor walks back home. 

Listen, I’d love to stay on top of my grass right now but honestly, I have more pressing issues at the moment...

Like which bottle of wine I’ll open after all the kids go to bed tonight.

XOXO,

Petty Betty

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